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Wednesday, Nov. 21, 2012 05:41 pm

The sorrow and the pretty

Do men in troubled relationships often seek someone to give them a nudge to get out? I often attract these men, some of whom I suspect just want a backup relationship before splitting with the wife. I happen to be interested in the current man confiding in me about his angry, obsessive wife. I won’t tell him to leave on my account, but I hate to see such a great man putting up with her.  –Catalyst

You’ve gotta give a guy points for an original spin on a tired pickup line: “If I said you have a beautiful body, would you let me sob on your shoulder about my mean wife?”

As a listener, you provide considerable cost savings over the guy with the gray beard, the monocle, and the couch, and it can’t hurt that crying on your shoulder comes with a front row seat to your jigglies. Your presence can also provide a helpful thumb on the “I’m outta here!” side of the scale for a man who lacks a Ouija Board, a Magic 8-Ball, or the guts to make a decision. And while it is possible that some of these men fall for you, it’s also possible that any “I love you! I want you! I have to have you!” a man blurts out is just a bad translation of “Eeek! I’ll be alone, and you’re cute and nice to me. You’ll do.”

It is a bit odd that, the way some women collect Hello Kitty, you collect “Hello, I’m teetering on an angry divorce.” Are you maybe insecure about getting involved with a guy when all you have to offer is you? With a man in a troubled marriage, you start with a competitive advantage – how endearingly sane and reasonable you seem compared to Mrs. Satan. And a man in crisis requires conversational triage – attending to those bleeding out first. (No need to lay your feelings on the line; you can focus on his problems and bond over how you’re the listening postess with the mostest.)

As for the latest man crying out to you from the Trail of Tear-Streaked Kleenex, consider the obvious: A man confiding in you about his “angry, obsessive wife” is a man who is NOT AVAILABLE. Maybe it’s time you retired from running the Unhappily Married Man Rescue and take a run at the unencumbered. (At the very least, strictly limit the ear-time you give to other women’s leftovers that aren’t quite left.) You should find that a man has much more to give when he isn’t panicking that his wife will take half of everything he owns, including his man parts she’s got squirreled away in a drawer somewhere.

©2012, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com (advicegoddess.com). Weekly radio show: blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon
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