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Thursday, March 15, 2012 03:58 am

Lard of the Dance

When I got married, I was a slim 6 feet 2, but I’ve gained a lot of weight. My wife gained about 20 pounds but recently lost that and more. I’ve been as high as 265, but I’m now at 238 and losing about a pound a week, which isn’t fast enough for my wife. My wife said that I obviously love food more than her, and that if I won’t lose weight for her, maybe I’ll do it for our boys. She considers me self-centered and narcissistic because I’m not losing enough weight, and I consider her self-centered and narcissistic for framing every argument in terms of what she wants and isn’t getting. What do you think? Does being overweight mean you don’t love your significant other?  –Fatso

Some women just can’t appreciate their husband’s collections: comic books, shot glasses, broken-down cars, chins.

There’s your wife, wagging a carrot stick at you, telling you that if you loved her you’d be surviving on iceberg lettuce sandwiches or going on the Drink Your Own Urine Diet – whatever it takes to drop flab fast. Probably because weight loss seems easier for her, she assumes you’re lazy and self-indulgent. She’s now trying to guilt-ivate you into losing weight, which is more helpful than voicing the other thing she’s probably thinking: “I don’t want to have sex with you; I want to harpoon you.”

Chances are, the problem isn’t that your diet isn’t “strict enough” – as in, you should be sniffing celery sticks instead of eating them – but that you’ve been following the obesity-causing dietary “science” promoted by the government and much of the medical establishment. The “weight loss” diet they advise – high-carb, low-fat – is actually a weight-gain diet.

Investigative science journalist Gary Taubes spent more than a decade digging through the body of research on diet. As he writes in Why We Get Fat, the evidence shows that it is carbohydrates – from sugar, flour, easily digested starchy vegetables like potatoes, and juice and beer – that cause the insulin secretion that puts on fat. So, if you want to drop pounds  and not just one a week but like they’re stones falling off a truck xeat low-carb/high-fat foods like cheeseburgers. Even bacon cheeseburgers.

Unfortunately, it seems your love handles have become resentment handles. Some of the ill will between you may melt away as you lose the gut that Ding Dongs and Mountain Dew built, but it points to a bad pattern. You don’t win marital arguments by clinging to how right you are and how wrong your spouse is; you win by working together to make things as right as you can for both of you (“us first” instead of “me first”). Some problems aren’t solvable, but you’ll be more able to shrug off an impasse if you’re consistently putting yourselves in each other’s place. That’s the spirit that keeps you from striking out in revenge – for example, by insisting you’re on the Zone diet (but not mentioning that it’s the zone from the outermost wall of Dunkin’ Donuts to the outermost wall of Cinnabon).

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