IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-109-1-advice-goddess.html Fri, 28 Aug 15 00:00:00 -0500 en hourly 1 You luddite up my life http://illinoistimes.com/article-16045-you-luddite-up-my-life.html You luddite up my life
My boyfriend will text if he’s running late but says texting “isn’t real communication.” He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via ...]]>
Gone Juan http://illinoistimes.com/article-16015-gone-juan.html Gone Juan
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls. I spent about a month trying to find out what had happene...]]>
A force to be reckoned whiff http://illinoistimes.com/article-15987-a-force-to-be-reckoned-whiff.html A force to be reckoned whiff
My new boyfriend travels a lot for work. Before he left on this trip, he gave me his weird onesie lounging garment. It’s this disturbing “As Seen on TV” thing called a Forever Lazy. It’s like...]]>
Sleepless in Fallujah http://illinoistimes.com/article-15927-sleepless-in-fallujah.html Sleepless in Fallujah
I just broke up with my girlfriend of seven months. We fought constantly but the sex was amazing. Reviewing my relationships, it seems I have the best sex in the volatile ones – those where we argue...]]>
Mourning breath http://illinoistimes.com/article-15895-mourning-breath.html Mourning breath
I was engaged to a woman 20 years ago. We were in college and in our mid-20s. I realized that I wasn’t ready to get married and called off the engagement. I loved her and wanted to stay with her, bu...]]>
Requiem for a scream http://illinoistimes.com/article-15862-requiem-for-a-scream.html Requiem for a scream
 I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship with a really great guy. The problem is, it started as a hookup, and I faked my orgasm. I didn’t announce I was having one, but I, um, made certain...]]>
Emotion sickness http://illinoistimes.com/article-15837-emotion-sickness.html Emotion sickness
Last week, my girlfriend was all annoyed about something (something relatively unimportant). I’m normally not a bad listener, but I was getting stressed out just hearing about this. I blurted out, �...]]>
Crowd Mary http://illinoistimes.com/article-15800-crowd-mary.html Crowd Mary
 I’m trying to take a break from dating and work on myself because I keep ending up with really jerky guys. I’m an extrovert – very social and outgoing – and I find it hard to just chill...]]>
Beyond thunderdomes http://illinoistimes.com/article-15764-beyond-thunderdomes.html Beyond thunderdomes
I have a great circle of female friends, but one of “the group” has a way of making backhanded comments about my appearance that make me feel bad about myself. Her latest topic is my breasts and h...]]>
Dork matter http://illinoistimes.com/article-15740-dork-matter.html Dork matter
 I’m just out of a bad relationship and ready to start dating. I recently met a guy I liked at the mall. There was definitely a physical attraction and we had a lot in common, but not an hour a...]]>
Owe, baby, baby http://illinoistimes.com/article-15608-owe-baby-baby.html Owe, baby, baby
My girlfriend always cries that she’s “broke.” I just ended up buying her groceries and paying to have her car fixed, and then I discovered by accident that she’d recently paid hundreds of dol...]]>
Rise and spine http://illinoistimes.com/article-15572-rise-and-spine.html Rise and spine
 My fiance is good friends with his ex-girlfriend from college. (We’re all in our 30s.) She isn’t a romantic threat, but she’s become a source of stress. Long before I met my boyfriend...]]>
The file high club http://illinoistimes.com/article-15538-the-file-high-club.html The file high club
A year ago, a co-worker I had a crush on made moves on me after hours at work, and we stopped just short of having sex. I saw him as a potential boyfriend, and I emphasized that I was not interested i...]]>
The shoo must go on http://illinoistimes.com/article-15499-the-shoo-must-go-on.html The shoo must go on
 I’ve been dating this guy long distance for six months. He’ll often fail to return texts for an entire day or even a few days. I keep breaking up with him, but he keeps apologizing, acknowle...]]>
Smells like bean spirit http://illinoistimes.com/article-15472-smells-like-bean-spirit.html Smells like bean spirit
My girlfriend of a year is 51 and lovely in most areas – except one: She often passes gas and recently started belching audibly. She is a psychotherapist, dresses nicely and has a great figure. Howe...]]>
All the single m’ladies http://illinoistimes.com/article-15443-all-the-single-m%25E2%2580%2599ladies.html All the single m’ladies
 I read your manners book and loved it. I just feel that for most men chivalry is dead. Maybe feminism killed it, and maybe men have just gotten lazy. Well, I was staying over at a (platonic) mal...]]>
Eat, Pray You’ll Shut Up, Love http://illinoistimes.com/article-15424-eat-pray-you%25E2%2580%2599ll-shut-up-love.html Eat, Pray You’ll Shut Up, Love
I’ve always been a feelings stuffer, but I’ve been reading about vulnerability creating intimacy, blah, blah, blah, so I’m trying to be an open book. Though my boyfriend appreciates this, he kee...]]>
Shake it till you make it http://illinoistimes.com/article-15389-shake-it-till-you-make-it.html Shake it till you make it
 I’m new to online dating. I’m a nice, good-looking guy with a good job, but I have a muscular condition that causes me to shake a lot. I’m not looking to fool anyone, but I don’t want to...]]>
Malice in Wonderland http://illinoistimes.com/article-15342-malice-in-wonderland.html Malice in Wonderland
My boyfriend has a crazy ex-wife who can’t let go. She is the meanest, most vengeful and manipulative person, initially convincing the 15-year-old son she has with my boyfriend that I’m the reason...]]>
Flee Circus http://illinoistimes.com/article-15333-flee-circus.html Flee Circus
 My mom left when I was young, and my former husband left me too. Maybe because of this, I’ve noticed that I’m quick to assume that any man I’m seeing is ditching me. In the early stages of...]]>
Wane of terror http://illinoistimes.com/article-15278-wane-of-terror.html Wane of terror
I’ve been seeing this guy long-distance. I haven’t really been feeling it and kind of let it drop off, thinking he’d get the hint. He keeps texting and calling. I keep telling him I’m just rea...]]>
Eyes that light up a womb http://illinoistimes.com/article-15262-eyes-that-light-up-a-womb.html Eyes that light up a womb
 I’m a 35-year-old guy who’s doing online dating and who’s against having kids for moral reasons. Don’t get me wrong; I love kids. I just don’t think we need any more people on this cro...]]>
The taming of the spew http://illinoistimes.com/article-15196-the-taming-of-the-spew.html The taming of the spew
 This guy I’m dating usually texts back when I text him. But sometimes, like last night, he doesn’t write back. And I’m just texting stuff like “How was your night?” – not “OMG, I m...]]>
Hope fiend http://illinoistimes.com/article-15164-hope-fiend.html Hope fiend
 I met this man a few years ago and it was like a thunderbolt struck us – the stuff movies are made of. He told me that his female roommate was just a friend. We went on a few dates before I re...]]>
The wicked witch of the Westin http://illinoistimes.com/article-15133-the-wicked-witch-of-the-westin.html The wicked witch of the Westin
 There’s a girl who works at the hotel where my co-workers and I go for drinks. She’s hot, smart and fun, and I really like her and want to ask her out. The problem is that when she laughs, s...]]>
Beak experience http://illinoistimes.com/article-15108-beak-experience.html Beak experience
I recently started dating this new girl. I asked her whether her lips and boobs are real (and it turns out they are). However, I did call her out on having a nose job. She admitted it but seemed kind ...]]>
Stay-at-home martyr http://illinoistimes.com/article-15089-stay-at-home-martyr.html Stay-at-home martyr
 I just moved in with the love of my life. Her former boyfriend from years ago lives in her downstairs “granny unit.” My girlfriend recently revealed that along with financially subsidizing h...]]>
Rant’s tomb http://illinoistimes.com/article-15054-rant%25E2%2580%2599s-tomb.html Rant’s tomb
 I’m a woman in my early 20s. I do fine getting dates, but only first dates. And no, I’m not having sex with guys on the first date, but I still never hear from them again. I ran into one of ...]]>
Playing with mismatches http://illinoistimes.com/article-15031-playing-with-mismatches.html Playing with mismatches
 I like this woman I’ve been seeing, but she’s really in love with me. I’ve been clear that I’m not ready to get more serious and that I’m really never going to be up for that with her....]]>
Urning curve http://illinoistimes.com/article-14990-urning-curve.html Urning curve
My boyfriend of eight months was with his ex for almost five years. Unfortunately, she passed two years ago. I have sympathy for him but occasionally he’ll call me by her name and it’s really upse...]]>