IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-109-1-advice-goddess.html Mon, 23 Jan 17 00:00:00 -0600 en hourly 1 Is it something I wed? http://illinoistimes.com/article-18168-is-it-something-i-wed.html Is it something I wed?
Two of my girlfriends just got divorced. Both recently admitted to me that they knew they shouldn’t have gotten married at the time but did anyway. Just this weekend, another friend – married for...]]>
Meme streets http://illinoistimes.com/article-18143-meme-streets.html Meme streets
My girlfriend of six years is breaking up with me. My question is: How do I let our friends and my family know? I’m thinking a mass email telling my side of the story. Then I wouldn’t have to have...]]>
Wood I lie to you? http://illinoistimes.com/article-18122-wood-i-lie-to-you.html Wood I lie to you?
 My girlfriend found a certain little blue pill in my jeans pocket, and her feelings were hurt. I explained that I’m as into her as ever; I just need a little extra help because I’m getting o...]]>
Sleeping booty http://illinoistimes.com/article-18086-sleeping-booty.html Sleeping booty
I’m a 32-year-old guy, and I want a real relationship. I am good-looking and charming and can get girls into bed pretty early on, but I’m beginning to wonder whether that’s hurting me. I think I...]]>
Rump for joy http://illinoistimes.com/article-18071-rump-for-joy.html Rump for joy
I am a curvy girl with a big butt. I hate it. I have a small waist, and it makes my butt look even bigger. I don’t care that the Kardashians have made big butts cool. I’d like to lose weight in th...]]>
Present tense http://illinoistimes.com/article-18031-present-tense.html Present tense
Women are really cuckoo when it comes to gifts. If my lady didn’t get me a present on my birthday, I wouldn’t really care. But if I didn’t buy her something for hers or if I chose badly, brace y...]]>
Do no harem http://illinoistimes.com/article-18004-do-no-harem.html Do no harem
 I’ve been happily married to the same wonderful guy for 20 years. However, the longer we’re together the harder it is to remain faithful – surely for both of us. Sex and skin are everywher...]]>
Tulle time http://illinoistimes.com/article-17976-tulle-time.html Tulle time
A female friend of mine wanted to get married but her boyfriend was resistant. He’d been married before with disastrous results. He eventually married her – not because he wanted to be married but...]]>
Knight shift http://illinoistimes.com/article-17955-knight-shift.html Knight shift
 My boyfriend of a year is a big sweetheart, but whenever we go out to eat, he always orders first. It really bothers me, and I feel disrespected and embarrassed that people are seeing this, desp...]]>
Mothership of fools http://illinoistimes.com/article-17933-mothership-of-fools.html Mothership of fools
This will sound crazy, but … should I tell my girlfriend, the love of my life, that I was abducted by aliens? It happened a long time ago, and I have no proof – just my own recollection. Yes, it c...]]>
Wealth care crisis http://illinoistimes.com/article-17900-wealth-care-crisis.html Wealth care crisis
 A female friend of mine just broke up with her billionaire boyfriend. She told me she wasn’t happy. The guy is super picky about whether you put things back in exactly the right spot and doesn...]]>
The shrining http://illinoistimes.com/article-17864-the-shrining.html The shrining
Six months after meeting this amazing woman – I’ll call her Ms. Perfect – I asked her to marry me. A year later, she broke off the engagement, saying, “I shouldn’t be wearing your engagement...]]>
Eat should and die http://illinoistimes.com/article-17861-eat-should-and-die.html Eat should and die
Your response to “Torn” really missed the mark. She is the 35-year-old woman whose friends and family think her 43-year-old boyfriend is lazy and not good enough for her and will end up living off...]]>
Talk dirt-cheap to me  http://illinoistimes.com/article-17816-talk-dirt-cheap-to-me%25C2%25A0.html Talk dirt-cheap to me 
My husband of a year is very tight with cash. It’s always save, save, save. I recently traded in my car and I needed $1,000 more for the new one, but he never offered to give it to me. My parents en...]]>
Wealth care crisis http://illinoistimes.com/article-17792-wealth-care-crisis.html Wealth care crisis
A female friend of mine just broke up with her billionaire boyfriend. She told me she wasn’t happy. The guy is super picky about whether you put things back in exactly the right spot and doesn’t h...]]>
A mile in somebody else’s choose http://illinoistimes.com/article-17780-a-mile-in-somebody-else%25E2%2580%2599s-choose.html A mile in somebody else’s choose
 I’m a woman who’s on the feminist dating app Bumble, where women have to make the first move. Men can only write back to women who message them. I thought this would be empowering, but even...]]>
Thinking outside the boobs http://illinoistimes.com/article-17743-thinking-outside-the-boobs.html Thinking outside the boobs
I’m a man who likes to girl-watch. I do this from behind very dark glasses, yet I still elicit scowls from women. Recently, I was at a help desk, and I availed myself of the view down the receptioni...]]>
Loaf Actually http://illinoistimes.com/article-17718-loaf-actually.html Loaf Actually
 I’m a 35-year-old woman, and my boyfriend of a year is 43. Sadly, my friends and family don’t like him. They think he’s “not good enough” for me. Their argument: He doesn’t have a fu...]]>
Casualties of war paint http://illinoistimes.com/article-17680-casualties-of-war-paint.html Casualties of war paint
I dragged my boyfriend into the makeup store Sephora, and he said, “Save your money. You don’t need any of this stuff. I like you better without makeup.” Huh? Why is there a huge makeup industry...]]>
Aisle always love you http://illinoistimes.com/article-17655-aisle-always-love-you.html Aisle always love you
 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we really love each other. His parents adore me and are thrilled that he might not die alone. After his mom saw us being all cudd...]]>
Duck Face the Nation http://illinoistimes.com/article-17634-duck-face-the-nation.html Duck Face the Nation
 I’m a woman in my late 20s. Guys don’t have car crashes looking at me, but I am pretty and have a nice boyfriend. I have three drop-dead gorgeous girlfriends who are perpetually single, but...]]>
Shaggedy Ann http://illinoistimes.com/article-17586-shaggedy-ann.html Shaggedy Ann
When I was in my 20s watching “Sex and the City,” I saw the Samantha Jones character as a sexual role model – thinking I could have love-‘em-and-leave-‘em sex like her. However, even when I...]]>
Casual coroner http://illinoistimes.com/article-17583-casual-coroner.html Casual coroner
I dress like a tomboy: jeans, T-shirts, hoodies and work boots. My boyfriend of a year wants me to wear skirts and dresses more often. Nothing trashy. Just not my usual tomboy wear. This weekend I wor...]]>
Look on the always right side http://illinoistimes.com/article-17560-look-on-the-always-right-side.html Look on the always right side
 I’m a Harvard-educated man in my late 30s. I’ve had many ugly arguments with girlfriends, probably because I am highly opinionated and won’t give in when I’m right. I’ve always da...]]>
Crazy cad lady http://illinoistimes.com/article-17519-crazy-cad-lady.html Crazy cad lady
Four months ago, I started hooking up with this hot guy I met on Tinder. He isn’t someone I’d normally go for; he’s a total mess and serious trouble. He always made me come to his place and I al...]]>
People who needle people http://illinoistimes.com/article-17514-people-who-needle-people.html People who needle people
 A female friend overheard me on the phone with my boyfriend and became concerned. He and I tease each other relentlessly, calling each other mean silly names, but it’s all in fun. Though we ha...]]>
Stray it forward http://illinoistimes.com/article-17485-stray-it-forward.html Stray it forward
I’m a single guy who started a “friends with benefits” thing two months ago with an unhappily married female co-worker. We’ve since developed feelings for each other and started talking about...]]>
Skinny genes http://illinoistimes.com/article-17461-skinny-genes.html Skinny genes
 I’ve always been a very athletic guy. I do jujitsu every day. When I don’t exercise, I feel depressed. My girlfriend, however, has never been very physically active. She has a great body –...]]>
Fasten your deceit belt http://illinoistimes.com/article-17416-fasten-your-deceit-belt.html Fasten your deceit belt
I’m a 44-year-old woman who’s been dating a successful actor for a year. When we met, he told me he was 35. Well, in picking up a prescription for him, I discovered he’s actually 42. I’m relie...]]>
The gift of blab http://illinoistimes.com/article-17385-the-gift-of-blab.html The gift of blab
 My girlfriend tells her mother and her friends pretty much everything. Literally four of her friends and her mom were weighing in on her recent urinary tract infection. I just don’t get why sh...]]>