IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-109-1-advice-goddess.html Fri, 24 Mar 17 00:00:00 -0500 en hourly 1 A world of blurt http://illinoistimes.com/article-18428-a-world-of-blurt.html A world of blurt
I’m in love with my married female co-worker. I’m married and have no intention of leaving my wife, and I doubt she’d leave her husband, even if she shared my feelings. I love how caring and kin...]]>
Pleaser burn http://illinoistimes.com/article-18398-pleaser-burn.html Pleaser burn
 My problem is that I’ll go on one or two dates with a girl and then get the whole “I just wanna be friends.” And they really mean that. They want me to do lunch and go shopping and talk on...]]>
Born jesterday http://illinoistimes.com/article-18381-born-jesterday.html Born jesterday
I’m a 27-year-old guy and I’m not very funny. I know women like a guy with a sense of humor, so I was interested in these “Flirt Cards” with funny messages that I saw on Kickstarter. You write...]]>
A ruse is a ruse is a ruse http://illinoistimes.com/article-18343-a-ruse-is-a-ruse-is-a-ruse.html A ruse is a ruse is a ruse
 A year ago, the woman who pet-sits for me began inviting herself over for dinner. We started going out about three times a week. I always paid for dinner. She never introduced me to her friends,...]]>
Stare Trek http://illinoistimes.com/article-18317-stare-trek.html Stare Trek
The 40-year-old guy I’m dating swivels his head to check out ladies everywhere. He even comments on those he finds attractive. I’ve mentioned that it bugs me. He contends that it’s my insecuriti...]]>
You deserve a breakup today http://illinoistimes.com/article-18289-you-deserve-a-breakup-today.html You deserve a breakup today
I really appreciated your recent column about people who go through with getting married when they know deep down that they’re making a mistake. I’m reminded of the common societal admonishment ag...]]>
Savings and alone http://illinoistimes.com/article-18256-savings-and-alone.html Savings and alone
I’m a 28-year-old guy in a corporate job. I’m out there trying to meet women and date (or hook up) but I’m not doing so well. In college I was able to hook up and get girlfriends pretty easily,...]]>
Get off my yawn http://illinoistimes.com/article-18224-get-off-my-yawn.html Get off my yawn
I’m a 61-year-old guy who’s been married four times. I love the security and acceptance of marriage, but after several years, either my wife du jour or I will get bored and we’ll agree to move o...]]>
Flee Willy http://illinoistimes.com/article-18193-flee-willy.html Flee Willy
I’m a 27-year-old woman, dating again after a six-year relationship. I slept with a guy on the third date and was dismayed when he didn’t spend the night. It didn’t feel like just a hookup, and...]]>
Is it something I wed? http://illinoistimes.com/article-18168-is-it-something-i-wed.html Is it something I wed?
Two of my girlfriends just got divorced. Both recently admitted to me that they knew they shouldn’t have gotten married at the time but did anyway. Just this weekend, another friend – married for...]]>
Meme streets http://illinoistimes.com/article-18143-meme-streets.html Meme streets
My girlfriend of six years is breaking up with me. My question is: How do I let our friends and my family know? I’m thinking a mass email telling my side of the story. Then I wouldn’t have to have...]]>
Wood I lie to you? http://illinoistimes.com/article-18122-wood-i-lie-to-you.html Wood I lie to you?
 My girlfriend found a certain little blue pill in my jeans pocket, and her feelings were hurt. I explained that I’m as into her as ever; I just need a little extra help because I’m getting o...]]>
Sleeping booty http://illinoistimes.com/article-18086-sleeping-booty.html Sleeping booty
I’m a 32-year-old guy, and I want a real relationship. I am good-looking and charming and can get girls into bed pretty early on, but I’m beginning to wonder whether that’s hurting me. I think I...]]>
Rump for joy http://illinoistimes.com/article-18071-rump-for-joy.html Rump for joy
I am a curvy girl with a big butt. I hate it. I have a small waist, and it makes my butt look even bigger. I don’t care that the Kardashians have made big butts cool. I’d like to lose weight in th...]]>
Present tense http://illinoistimes.com/article-18031-present-tense.html Present tense
Women are really cuckoo when it comes to gifts. If my lady didn’t get me a present on my birthday, I wouldn’t really care. But if I didn’t buy her something for hers or if I chose badly, brace y...]]>
Do no harem http://illinoistimes.com/article-18004-do-no-harem.html Do no harem
 I’ve been happily married to the same wonderful guy for 20 years. However, the longer we’re together the harder it is to remain faithful – surely for both of us. Sex and skin are everywher...]]>
Tulle time http://illinoistimes.com/article-17976-tulle-time.html Tulle time
A female friend of mine wanted to get married but her boyfriend was resistant. He’d been married before with disastrous results. He eventually married her – not because he wanted to be married but...]]>
Knight shift http://illinoistimes.com/article-17955-knight-shift.html Knight shift
 My boyfriend of a year is a big sweetheart, but whenever we go out to eat, he always orders first. It really bothers me, and I feel disrespected and embarrassed that people are seeing this, desp...]]>
Mothership of fools http://illinoistimes.com/article-17933-mothership-of-fools.html Mothership of fools
This will sound crazy, but … should I tell my girlfriend, the love of my life, that I was abducted by aliens? It happened a long time ago, and I have no proof – just my own recollection. Yes, it c...]]>
Wealth care crisis http://illinoistimes.com/article-17900-wealth-care-crisis.html Wealth care crisis
 A female friend of mine just broke up with her billionaire boyfriend. She told me she wasn’t happy. The guy is super picky about whether you put things back in exactly the right spot and doesn...]]>
The shrining http://illinoistimes.com/article-17864-the-shrining.html The shrining
Six months after meeting this amazing woman – I’ll call her Ms. Perfect – I asked her to marry me. A year later, she broke off the engagement, saying, “I shouldn’t be wearing your engagement...]]>
Eat should and die http://illinoistimes.com/article-17861-eat-should-and-die.html Eat should and die
Your response to “Torn” really missed the mark. She is the 35-year-old woman whose friends and family think her 43-year-old boyfriend is lazy and not good enough for her and will end up living off...]]>
Talk dirt-cheap to me  http://illinoistimes.com/article-17816-talk-dirt-cheap-to-me%25C2%25A0.html Talk dirt-cheap to me 
My husband of a year is very tight with cash. It’s always save, save, save. I recently traded in my car and I needed $1,000 more for the new one, but he never offered to give it to me. My parents en...]]>
Wealth care crisis http://illinoistimes.com/article-17792-wealth-care-crisis.html Wealth care crisis
A female friend of mine just broke up with her billionaire boyfriend. She told me she wasn’t happy. The guy is super picky about whether you put things back in exactly the right spot and doesn’t h...]]>
A mile in somebody else’s choose http://illinoistimes.com/article-17780-a-mile-in-somebody-else%25E2%2580%2599s-choose.html A mile in somebody else’s choose
 I’m a woman who’s on the feminist dating app Bumble, where women have to make the first move. Men can only write back to women who message them. I thought this would be empowering, but even...]]>
Thinking outside the boobs http://illinoistimes.com/article-17743-thinking-outside-the-boobs.html Thinking outside the boobs
I’m a man who likes to girl-watch. I do this from behind very dark glasses, yet I still elicit scowls from women. Recently, I was at a help desk, and I availed myself of the view down the receptioni...]]>
Loaf Actually http://illinoistimes.com/article-17718-loaf-actually.html Loaf Actually
 I’m a 35-year-old woman, and my boyfriend of a year is 43. Sadly, my friends and family don’t like him. They think he’s “not good enough” for me. Their argument: He doesn’t have a fu...]]>
Casualties of war paint http://illinoistimes.com/article-17680-casualties-of-war-paint.html Casualties of war paint
I dragged my boyfriend into the makeup store Sephora, and he said, “Save your money. You don’t need any of this stuff. I like you better without makeup.” Huh? Why is there a huge makeup industry...]]>
Aisle always love you http://illinoistimes.com/article-17655-aisle-always-love-you.html Aisle always love you
 My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we really love each other. His parents adore me and are thrilled that he might not die alone. After his mom saw us being all cudd...]]>
Duck Face the Nation http://illinoistimes.com/article-17634-duck-face-the-nation.html Duck Face the Nation
 I’m a woman in my late 20s. Guys don’t have car crashes looking at me, but I am pretty and have a nice boyfriend. I have three drop-dead gorgeous girlfriends who are perpetually single, but...]]>