IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-109-1-advice-goddess.html Sat, 30 Apr 16 00:00:00 -0500 en hourly 1 What you seethe is what you get http://illinoistimes.com/article-17150-what-you-seethe-is-what-you-get.html What you seethe is what you get
My boyfriend of a year used to fly into rages. He and his ex had huge, ugly screaming fights. He now uses “mental tricks” to stay calmer. Obviously, rage is a bad thing, but it’s also a passiona...]]>
The mummy’s cursor http://illinoistimes.com/article-17062-the-mummy%25E2%2580%2599s-cursor.html The mummy’s cursor
I’m a woman in my 20s, and female friends and I find that, generally speaking, once a guy gets into a relationship, his texting dwindles into brief news bites, like “fell asleep!” or “phone di...]]>
Slight of hand http://illinoistimes.com/article-17057-slight-of-hand.html Slight of hand
My boyfriend mistakenly sent me a text meant for somebody else – a real estate agent with my same first name who’s showing him apartments. This made me feel like I’m unimportant – easily confu...]]>
We’ll always have parasite http://illinoistimes.com/article-16999-we%25E2%2580%2599ll-always-have-parasite.html We’ll always have parasite
When I got remarried, I inherited a stepdaughter. Though she and my husband had been estranged for many years, I was instrumental in getting them to reconcile. I’ve come to regret this. She is a rag...]]>
Papa’s got a brand new hag - Amy Alkon, Advice Goddess, advice columns, California, Springfield, traveling boyfriend, FaceTime, video calls, zombie Orson Welles, male sexuality, female sexuality, the contrast effect, attractiveness, Hollywood, evolutionary psychologists Douglas Kenri http://illinoistimes.com/article-16982-papa%25E2%2580%2599s-got-a-brand-new-hag.html Papa’s got a brand new hag - Amy Alkon, Advice Goddess, advice columns, California, Springfield, traveling boyfriend, FaceTime, video calls, zombie Orson Welles, male sexuality, female sexuality, the contrast effect, attractiveness, Hollywood, evolutionary psychologists Douglas Kenri
 My boyfriend travels a lot, and when he’s away, he wants to video call over FaceTime. Well, I look absolutely hideous on FaceTime, and I don’t want to do it. And really, who doesn’t look s...]]>
Hi money, I’m home http://illinoistimes.com/article-16930-hi-money-i%25E2%2580%2599m-home.html Hi money, I’m home
My boyfriend is going to a dinner out of town to get an award for a film he made, and he didn’t invite me. When I told him I felt excluded, he said that he was embarrassed because his parents are pa...]]>
Having the time of someone else’s wife http://illinoistimes.com/article-16925-having-the-time-of-someone-else%25E2%2580%2599s-wife.html Having the time of someone else’s wife
I’m a 39-year-old guy, and I just met the most amazing woman but she’s going through a divorce. My best friend said to never date somebody while they’re divorcing, because they’re crazy and em...]]>
See ya later, calculator http://illinoistimes.com/article-16877-see-ya-later-calculator.html See ya later, calculator
I’m in a new relationship with the sweetest, most generous girl, but I’m hesitant to let her do nice stuff for me. In my previous relationship every single nice thing my ex did was held against me...]]>
Shrug Actually http://illinoistimes.com/article-16849-shrug-actually.html Shrug Actually
I’m in my first serious relationship. It started off super hot and sexual. Now, a year in, it’s lovey-dovey and cuddly. Not that my boyfriend and I don’t have sex. We do, and it’s still good....]]>
Fifty Shades of Wait http://illinoistimes.com/article-16818-fifty-shades-of-wait.html Fifty Shades of Wait
I’m a very successful guy in my 30s. I had a lot of casual sex in my 20s, but I got sick of the disconnection and emotional fallout. I’m looking for a relationship, and I’ve started waiting to s...]]>
Inaction figure http://illinoistimes.com/article-16781-inaction-figure.html Inaction figure
 My girlfriend got laid off four months ago, along with many of her co-workers. She is not making a serious attempt to find a job and is just living off unemployment benefits. She stays up until...]]>
Mr. Swipe Right http://illinoistimes.com/article-16750-mr-swipe-right.html Mr. Swipe Right
I’m a woman who’s both loving and seriously hating Tinder. Guys on this app mostly want to hook up, and even those who say they want a relationship are flaky, often disappearing after a single dat...]]>
Mr. Throng http://illinoistimes.com/article-16714-mr-throng.html Mr. Throng
 I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I’ve been involved with a guy around my age for almost two years. It’s been “open.” Well, that is, he’s had the freedom to sleep with other people. I hav...]]>
Ben Hurry http://illinoistimes.com/article-16685-ben-hurry.html Ben Hurry
I’m a woman in my 40s, and I’ve been happily married for 22 years. Unfortunately, my husband and I have never been very compatible sexually. I had read so much Cosmopolitan magazine in college tha...]]>
Shove hurts http://illinoistimes.com/article-16661-shove-hurts.html Shove hurts
 I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on a relationship coach who instructed me to cut off all sex and even all contact with the guy I was dating until he agreed to marry me. I knew he loved me and w...]]>
Livid and let livid http://illinoistimes.com/article-16634-livid-and-let-livid.html Livid and let livid
You responded to a woman who was very proud of herself for leaving the room to compose herself when she got really angry with her boyfriend. It is very unhealthy to stuff your anger. Why would you giv...]]>
When Harry bent Sally over the hood of the car http://illinoistimes.com/article-16590-when-harry-bent-sally-over-the-hood-of-the-car.html When Harry bent Sally over the hood of the car
 My girlfriend’s “best friend” is a straight guy. I trust that she thinks he’s just her friend. However, as a guy, I know that if he could hit it, he would. FYI, I’m not really a jealou...]]>
A man walks into a barnacle http://illinoistimes.com/article-16589-a-man-walks-into-a-barnacle.html A man walks into a barnacle
 I’m a 43-year-old man, and I’m trying to build my career after years of being a stay-at-home dad. I got involved very quickly with a woman I met online, but the truth is that she’s just no...]]>
It’s always darkest after the spawn http://illinoistimes.com/article-16535-it%25E2%2580%2599s-always-darkest-after-the-spawn.html It’s always darkest after the spawn
I’m an unhappily married, 30-year-old woman. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years but we only got married seven months ago. We argue almost daily, and he spends all of his time working. Because...]]>
Going scold turkey http://illinoistimes.com/article-16507-going-scold-turkey.html Going scold turkey
I have a bad temper and I’m trying to change. Now when I’m mad, I leave the room to compose myself. Recently my boyfriend said something that really upset me. Taking a break allowed me to calmly e...]]>
Dust in the lust http://illinoistimes.com/article-16501-dust-in-the-lust.html Dust in the lust
I’m a man who has been married three times. Upon reflection, it seems to me that most women are ultimately not that interested in sex as a recreational activity. I try to be a selfless and devoted l...]]>
Sweeping beauty http://illinoistimes.com/article-16452-sweeping-beauty.html Sweeping beauty
My new boyfriend is messy. He drops his socks, underwear and clothing on the floor by the bed. He’s not lazy or entitled, just a spacehead. It’s no big deal for me to pick this stuff up, as I feel...]]>
How to tell the differance between ISIS and Muslims http://illinoistimes.com/article-16410-how-to-tell-the-differance-between-isis-and-muslims.html How to tell the differance between ISIS and Muslims
  ...]]>
The gospel of lukewarm http://illinoistimes.com/article-16411-the-gospel-of-lukewarm.html The gospel of lukewarm
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my dream man. When we aren’t together, I feel super disconnected and needy. I’ve never been that sort of person, but he is a master of compartmenta...]]>
Fawn Juan http://illinoistimes.com/article-16391-fawn-juan.html Fawn Juan
 I’m a 31-year-old single guy with a problematic pattern. Women I ask out seem to love how I’m open and very complimentary from the start, but then, suddenly, they get cold feet. It seems tha...]]>
The hurt and confused locker http://illinoistimes.com/article-16355-the-hurt-and-confused-locker.html The hurt and confused locker
I was dating a sociopathic compulsive liar for three months. I had a gut feeling that he was lying about his work, education and finances, but I had no real proof. This allowed him to manipulate me an...]]>
The alone ranger http://illinoistimes.com/article-16341-the-alone-ranger.html The alone ranger
 Sometimes when my boyfriend is upset he wants comforting, just like I would. He’ll vent or lay his head in my lap, and I stroke his hair. But sometimes he just sits on the couch and says nothi...]]>
High, I think I love you http://illinoistimes.com/article-16298-high-i-think-i-love-you.html High, I think I love you
Two friends of mine are in “love at first sight” relationships. (One went from chills at seeing the guy to moving in with him weeks later.) Each has said to me, “When it’s right, you just know...]]>
Photo-bomb scare http://illinoistimes.com/article-16279-photo-bomb-scare.html Photo-bomb scare
 I’m a 29-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a guy for two months. I was scrolling (okay, stalking him) on Instagram and saw a pic of him with this pretty girl with her arm draped around hi...]]>
Hurl, Interrupted http://illinoistimes.com/article-16251-hurl-interrupted.html Hurl, Interrupted
Six years ago, I was dating this guy on the East Coast. He and I share a deep love of the arts. We started arguing on the sidewalk, and I got so upset that I vomited all over myself. He refused to dri...]]>