IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess Thu, 08 Oct 15 00:00:00 -0500 en hourly 1 Hurl, Interrupted Hurl, Interrupted
Six years ago, I was dating this guy on the East Coast. He and I share a deep love of the arts. We started arguing on the sidewalk, and I got so upset that I vomited all over myself. He refused to dri...]]>
Wed blanket Wed blanket
 I’m very attracted to my co-worker – a self-described “happily married man.” We are “friends,” but he always has a warm hug, an interesting YouTube video or a poem or short story he�...]]>
Do I look infatuated in this? Do I look infatuated in this?
Is there anything inherently bad about getting into a serious relationship quickly? I met this guy about a month ago. We hit it off instantly, became boyfriend and girlfriend two weeks later, and have...]]>
Nappily ever after Nappily ever after
 I just moved in with my fiancé whose 5-year-old daughter stays with us part of the week. On the evenings she’s at the house, my fiance just goes to sleep, leaving me to entertain her. (She li...]]>
Getting more exorcise Getting more exorcise
 I went through a horrible divorce several years ago. Our marriage got very ugly, and I was mainly at fault. I’ve since worked very hard to get my life together and become a better person, but...]]>
Wait lifting Wait lifting
I’m a 37-year-old woman. I’ve always been quick to have sex, but I’m trying to just “date” first. Well, I’ve been on five dates with this one guy, and all we’ve done is kiss. Now I’m b...]]>
You luddite up my life You luddite up my life
My boyfriend will text if he’s running late but says texting “isn’t real communication.” He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via ...]]>
Gone Juan Gone Juan
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls. I spent about a month trying to find out what had happene...]]>
A force to be reckoned whiff A force to be reckoned whiff
My new boyfriend travels a lot for work. Before he left on this trip, he gave me his weird onesie lounging garment. It’s this disturbing “As Seen on TV” thing called a Forever Lazy. It’s like...]]>
Sleepless in Fallujah Sleepless in Fallujah
I just broke up with my girlfriend of seven months. We fought constantly but the sex was amazing. Reviewing my relationships, it seems I have the best sex in the volatile ones – those where we argue...]]>
Mourning breath Mourning breath
I was engaged to a woman 20 years ago. We were in college and in our mid-20s. I realized that I wasn’t ready to get married and called off the engagement. I loved her and wanted to stay with her, bu...]]>
Requiem for a scream Requiem for a scream
 I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship with a really great guy. The problem is, it started as a hookup, and I faked my orgasm. I didn’t announce I was having one, but I, um, made certain...]]>
Emotion sickness Emotion sickness
Last week, my girlfriend was all annoyed about something (something relatively unimportant). I’m normally not a bad listener, but I was getting stressed out just hearing about this. I blurted out, �...]]>
Crowd Mary Crowd Mary
 I’m trying to take a break from dating and work on myself because I keep ending up with really jerky guys. I’m an extrovert – very social and outgoing – and I find it hard to just chill...]]>
Beyond thunderdomes Beyond thunderdomes
I have a great circle of female friends, but one of “the group” has a way of making backhanded comments about my appearance that make me feel bad about myself. Her latest topic is my breasts and h...]]>
Dork matter Dork matter
 I’m just out of a bad relationship and ready to start dating. I recently met a guy I liked at the mall. There was definitely a physical attraction and we had a lot in common, but not an hour a...]]>
Owe, baby, baby Owe, baby, baby
My girlfriend always cries that she’s “broke.” I just ended up buying her groceries and paying to have her car fixed, and then I discovered by accident that she’d recently paid hundreds of dol...]]>
Rise and spine Rise and spine
 My fiance is good friends with his ex-girlfriend from college. (We’re all in our 30s.) She isn’t a romantic threat, but she’s become a source of stress. Long before I met my boyfriend...]]>
The file high club The file high club
A year ago, a co-worker I had a crush on made moves on me after hours at work, and we stopped just short of having sex. I saw him as a potential boyfriend, and I emphasized that I was not interested i...]]>
The shoo must go on The shoo must go on
 I’ve been dating this guy long distance for six months. He’ll often fail to return texts for an entire day or even a few days. I keep breaking up with him, but he keeps apologizing, acknowle...]]>
Smells like bean spirit Smells like bean spirit
My girlfriend of a year is 51 and lovely in most areas – except one: She often passes gas and recently started belching audibly. She is a psychotherapist, dresses nicely and has a great figure. Howe...]]>
All the single m’ladies All the single m’ladies
 I read your manners book and loved it. I just feel that for most men chivalry is dead. Maybe feminism killed it, and maybe men have just gotten lazy. Well, I was staying over at a (platonic) mal...]]>
Eat, Pray You’ll Shut Up, Love Eat, Pray You’ll Shut Up, Love
I’ve always been a feelings stuffer, but I’ve been reading about vulnerability creating intimacy, blah, blah, blah, so I’m trying to be an open book. Though my boyfriend appreciates this, he kee...]]>
Shake it till you make it Shake it till you make it
 I’m new to online dating. I’m a nice, good-looking guy with a good job, but I have a muscular condition that causes me to shake a lot. I’m not looking to fool anyone, but I don’t want to...]]>
Malice in Wonderland Malice in Wonderland
My boyfriend has a crazy ex-wife who can’t let go. She is the meanest, most vengeful and manipulative person, initially convincing the 15-year-old son she has with my boyfriend that I’m the reason...]]>
Flee Circus Flee Circus
 My mom left when I was young, and my former husband left me too. Maybe because of this, I’ve noticed that I’m quick to assume that any man I’m seeing is ditching me. In the early stages of...]]>
Wane of terror Wane of terror
I’ve been seeing this guy long-distance. I haven’t really been feeling it and kind of let it drop off, thinking he’d get the hint. He keeps texting and calling. I keep telling him I’m just rea...]]>
Eyes that light up a womb Eyes that light up a womb
 I’m a 35-year-old guy who’s doing online dating and who’s against having kids for moral reasons. Don’t get me wrong; I love kids. I just don’t think we need any more people on this cro...]]>
The taming of the spew The taming of the spew
 This guy I’m dating usually texts back when I text him. But sometimes, like last night, he doesn’t write back. And I’m just texting stuff like “How was your night?” – not “OMG, I m...]]>
Hope fiend Hope fiend
 I met this man a few years ago and it was like a thunderbolt struck us – the stuff movies are made of. He told me that his female roommate was just a friend. We went on a few dates before I re...]]>