IllinoisTimes - Advice Goddess http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-109-1-advice-goddess.html Tue, 09 Feb 16 00:00:00 -0600 en hourly 1 Mr. Swipe Right http://illinoistimes.com/article-16750-mr-swipe-right.html Mr. Swipe Right
I’m a woman who’s both loving and seriously hating Tinder. Guys on this app mostly want to hook up, and even those who say they want a relationship are flaky, often disappearing after a single dat...]]>
Mr. Throng http://illinoistimes.com/article-16714-mr-throng.html Mr. Throng
 I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I’ve been involved with a guy around my age for almost two years. It’s been “open.” Well, that is, he’s had the freedom to sleep with other people. I hav...]]>
Ben Hurry http://illinoistimes.com/article-16685-ben-hurry.html Ben Hurry
I’m a woman in my 40s, and I’ve been happily married for 22 years. Unfortunately, my husband and I have never been very compatible sexually. I had read so much Cosmopolitan magazine in college tha...]]>
Shove hurts http://illinoistimes.com/article-16661-shove-hurts.html Shove hurts
 I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on a relationship coach who instructed me to cut off all sex and even all contact with the guy I was dating until he agreed to marry me. I knew he loved me and w...]]>
Livid and let livid http://illinoistimes.com/article-16634-livid-and-let-livid.html Livid and let livid
You responded to a woman who was very proud of herself for leaving the room to compose herself when she got really angry with her boyfriend. It is very unhealthy to stuff your anger. Why would you giv...]]>
When Harry bent Sally over the hood of the car http://illinoistimes.com/article-16590-when-harry-bent-sally-over-the-hood-of-the-car.html When Harry bent Sally over the hood of the car
 My girlfriend’s “best friend” is a straight guy. I trust that she thinks he’s just her friend. However, as a guy, I know that if he could hit it, he would. FYI, I’m not really a jealou...]]>
A man walks into a barnacle http://illinoistimes.com/article-16589-a-man-walks-into-a-barnacle.html A man walks into a barnacle
 I’m a 43-year-old man, and I’m trying to build my career after years of being a stay-at-home dad. I got involved very quickly with a woman I met online, but the truth is that she’s just no...]]>
It’s always darkest after the spawn http://illinoistimes.com/article-16535-it%25E2%2580%2599s-always-darkest-after-the-spawn.html It’s always darkest after the spawn
I’m an unhappily married, 30-year-old woman. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years but we only got married seven months ago. We argue almost daily, and he spends all of his time working. Because...]]>
Going scold turkey http://illinoistimes.com/article-16507-going-scold-turkey.html Going scold turkey
I have a bad temper and I’m trying to change. Now when I’m mad, I leave the room to compose myself. Recently my boyfriend said something that really upset me. Taking a break allowed me to calmly e...]]>
Dust in the lust http://illinoistimes.com/article-16501-dust-in-the-lust.html Dust in the lust
I’m a man who has been married three times. Upon reflection, it seems to me that most women are ultimately not that interested in sex as a recreational activity. I try to be a selfless and devoted l...]]>
Sweeping beauty http://illinoistimes.com/article-16452-sweeping-beauty.html Sweeping beauty
My new boyfriend is messy. He drops his socks, underwear and clothing on the floor by the bed. He’s not lazy or entitled, just a spacehead. It’s no big deal for me to pick this stuff up, as I feel...]]>
How to tell the differance between ISIS and Muslims http://illinoistimes.com/article-16410-how-to-tell-the-differance-between-isis-and-muslims.html How to tell the differance between ISIS and Muslims
  ...]]>
The gospel of lukewarm http://illinoistimes.com/article-16411-the-gospel-of-lukewarm.html The gospel of lukewarm
I’ve been in a long-distance relationship with my dream man. When we aren’t together, I feel super disconnected and needy. I’ve never been that sort of person, but he is a master of compartmenta...]]>
Fawn Juan http://illinoistimes.com/article-16391-fawn-juan.html Fawn Juan
 I’m a 31-year-old single guy with a problematic pattern. Women I ask out seem to love how I’m open and very complimentary from the start, but then, suddenly, they get cold feet. It seems tha...]]>
The hurt and confused locker http://illinoistimes.com/article-16355-the-hurt-and-confused-locker.html The hurt and confused locker
I was dating a sociopathic compulsive liar for three months. I had a gut feeling that he was lying about his work, education and finances, but I had no real proof. This allowed him to manipulate me an...]]>
The alone ranger http://illinoistimes.com/article-16341-the-alone-ranger.html The alone ranger
 Sometimes when my boyfriend is upset he wants comforting, just like I would. He’ll vent or lay his head in my lap, and I stroke his hair. But sometimes he just sits on the couch and says nothi...]]>
High, I think I love you http://illinoistimes.com/article-16298-high-i-think-i-love-you.html High, I think I love you
Two friends of mine are in “love at first sight” relationships. (One went from chills at seeing the guy to moving in with him weeks later.) Each has said to me, “When it’s right, you just know...]]>
Photo-bomb scare http://illinoistimes.com/article-16279-photo-bomb-scare.html Photo-bomb scare
 I’m a 29-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a guy for two months. I was scrolling (okay, stalking him) on Instagram and saw a pic of him with this pretty girl with her arm draped around hi...]]>
Hurl, Interrupted http://illinoistimes.com/article-16251-hurl-interrupted.html Hurl, Interrupted
Six years ago, I was dating this guy on the East Coast. He and I share a deep love of the arts. We started arguing on the sidewalk, and I got so upset that I vomited all over myself. He refused to dri...]]>
Wed blanket http://illinoistimes.com/article-16199-wed-blanket.html Wed blanket
 I’m very attracted to my co-worker – a self-described “happily married man.” We are “friends,” but he always has a warm hug, an interesting YouTube video or a poem or short story he�...]]>
Do I look infatuated in this? http://illinoistimes.com/article-16168-do-i-look-infatuated-in-this.html Do I look infatuated in this?
Is there anything inherently bad about getting into a serious relationship quickly? I met this guy about a month ago. We hit it off instantly, became boyfriend and girlfriend two weeks later, and have...]]>
Nappily ever after http://illinoistimes.com/article-16129-nappily-ever-after.html Nappily ever after
 I just moved in with my fiancé whose 5-year-old daughter stays with us part of the week. On the evenings she’s at the house, my fiance just goes to sleep, leaving me to entertain her. (She li...]]>
Getting more exorcise http://illinoistimes.com/article-16123-getting-more-exorcise.html Getting more exorcise
 I went through a horrible divorce several years ago. Our marriage got very ugly, and I was mainly at fault. I’ve since worked very hard to get my life together and become a better person, but...]]>
Wait lifting http://illinoistimes.com/article-16082-wait-lifting.html Wait lifting
I’m a 37-year-old woman. I’ve always been quick to have sex, but I’m trying to just “date” first. Well, I’ve been on five dates with this one guy, and all we’ve done is kiss. Now I’m b...]]>
You luddite up my life http://illinoistimes.com/article-16045-you-luddite-up-my-life.html You luddite up my life
My boyfriend will text if he’s running late but says texting “isn’t real communication.” He says that if I need to talk, I should call him. I get that anything serious should be discussed via ...]]>
Gone Juan http://illinoistimes.com/article-16015-gone-juan.html Gone Juan
I’m a 20-year-old woman, and for three months last year I dated a 21-year-old guy. Suddenly, out of the blue, he stopped returning my calls. I spent about a month trying to find out what had happene...]]>
A force to be reckoned whiff http://illinoistimes.com/article-15987-a-force-to-be-reckoned-whiff.html A force to be reckoned whiff
My new boyfriend travels a lot for work. Before he left on this trip, he gave me his weird onesie lounging garment. It’s this disturbing “As Seen on TV” thing called a Forever Lazy. It’s like...]]>
Sleepless in Fallujah http://illinoistimes.com/article-15927-sleepless-in-fallujah.html Sleepless in Fallujah
I just broke up with my girlfriend of seven months. We fought constantly but the sex was amazing. Reviewing my relationships, it seems I have the best sex in the volatile ones – those where we argue...]]>
Mourning breath http://illinoistimes.com/article-15895-mourning-breath.html Mourning breath
I was engaged to a woman 20 years ago. We were in college and in our mid-20s. I realized that I wasn’t ready to get married and called off the engagement. I loved her and wanted to stay with her, bu...]]>
Requiem for a scream http://illinoistimes.com/article-15862-requiem-for-a-scream.html Requiem for a scream
 I’m a 28-year-old woman in a relationship with a really great guy. The problem is, it started as a hookup, and I faked my orgasm. I didn’t announce I was having one, but I, um, made certain...]]>