IllinoisTimes - Bybee http://illinoistimes.com/articles.sec-51-1-bybee.html Wed, 20 Aug 14 00:00:00 -0500 en hourly 1 Man talk - At their core, they’re all basically idiots http://illinoistimes.com/article-4181-man-talk.html Man talk - At their core, they’re all basically idiots
Untitled Document It’s a perfect night for a ballgame, and I’ve lucked into box seats only five rows behind the Sox dugout. The young couple to my left is discussing ...]]>
The essence of beauty - The answer, it would seem, has toes http://illinoistimes.com/article-3258-the-essence-of-beauty.html The essence of beauty - The answer, it would seem, has toes
He is dressed as a cowboy and looks to be about 6, which, according to my (admittedly yet unpublished) Rules of Diner Etiquette, is about two years too old to be leaning over the back of his booth, in...]]>
When today’s 65 is yesterday’s... 65! - Note to self: Television doesn’t resemble reality http://illinoistimes.com/article-3159-when-today%25C2%2592s-65-is-yesterday%25C2%2592s-65_.html When today’s 65 is yesterday’s... 65! - Note to self: Television doesn’t resemble reality
I’m 65. The TV is on because I like background noise as I pretend to do my morning exercises. The man has a few wrinkles around his eyes, but his eyes are clear and bright. His...]]>
Hamburger, in the eye of the beholder - Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce, hold this thought http://illinoistimes.com/article-3164-hamburger-in-the-eye-of-the-beholder.html Hamburger, in the eye of the beholder - Hold the pickle, hold the lettuce, hold this thought
Doctor: No more hamburgers for you! Neighborhood bar and grill: $2. Police officer: The alleged hamb...]]>
Lifting the smokescreen - Life can get a little strange, cold turkey http://illinoistimes.com/article-3143-lifting-the-smokescreen.html Lifting the smokescreen - Life can get a little strange, cold turkey
Henry Rose is a man full of charity, kindness, and even temper; he can’t recall ever thinking ill of anyone, and he’s never been angry. Life is good, always has been, and through...]]>
The last rhubarb - A veteran manager reveals the secrets of America’s pastime http://illinoistimes.com/article-3048-the-last-rhubarb.html The last rhubarb - A veteran manager reveals the secrets of America’s pastime
Brad Dood (pronounced “dude”) settled into a smirk. “Right place! Right time! Right stuff! No one more deserving,” he thought. “I’ve paid my dues!” ...]]>
The fan - Even in hell, it’s possible to come out a winner http://illinoistimes.com/article-2982-the-fan.html The fan - Even in hell, it’s possible to come out a winner
John awoke to searing pain, running from behind both eyes to the middle of his forehead: a migraine triangle. He pressed his palms hard against both temples, went to ...]]>
When nothing “really” matters - The American Way of voting, as described by participant in last month’s primary http://illinoistimes.com/article-2974-when-nothing-%25C2%2593really%25C2%2594-matters.html When nothing “really” matters - The American Way of voting, as described by participant in last month’s primary
Yanks (“American”) Avatar (“embodiment of a concept”) is, by definition, the essence of American thought, the quintessential American. Were it ...]]>
Play online poker and win $2,000 - Disclosing the secrets of the game — and the most important rule of all http://illinoistimes.com/article-2940-play-online-poker-and-win-%25242000.html Play online poker and win $2,000 - Disclosing the secrets of the game — and the most important rule of all
Eleven million people play online poker; 10,999,999 of ’em win, usually $2,000 each. No doubt you know one of the 10,999,999 — Uncle Bob’s strange friend wh...]]>
The most purposeful shot - This game’s over so, why argue with Frankie? http://illinoistimes.com/article-2856-the-most-purposeful-shot.html The most purposeful shot - This game’s over so, why argue with Frankie?
Harry Jacobs watched from his window as the February snow drifted in his neighbor’s driveway, most of it under the basketball backboard bolted to the roof over the gara...]]>
Here and there - The parking lot’s always full, the patients are overweight, and nobody wants trouble http://illinoistimes.com/article-2839-here-and-there.html Here and there - The parking lot’s always full, the patients are overweight, and nobody wants trouble
He was not from here; he was from there. New places made him apprehensive, but it seemed friendly here. The sign outside the building read “Welcome to the Medical Cente...]]>
The duck, the shtick, and the best valentine ever - Sister Serene was magic — and my first valentine http://illinoistimes.com/article-2816-the-duck-the-shtick-and-the-best-valentine-ever.html The duck, the shtick, and the best valentine ever - Sister Serene was magic — and my first valentine
The note on Tommie “Snorts” Sullivan’s Christmas card, saying that Sister Mary Serene had recently passed to her reward, surprised me only in that she ...]]>
Good poet! Bad poet! - Made irrelevant by the Net, Tullius finds refuge as a poet http://illinoistimes.com/article-2795-good-poet_-bad-poet_.html Good poet! Bad poet! - Made irrelevant by the Net, Tullius finds refuge as a poet
Before the Internet, before the search engines, Tullius Menard was a person of substantial worth, for he’d memorized most all the facts. ...]]>
Power ("Sorry, Sorry Night") politics - The ‘wedged-in’ generation’s last shot at power http://illinoistimes.com/article-2761-power-%2528sorry-sorry-night%2529-politics.html Power ("Sorry, Sorry Night") politics - The ‘wedged-in’ generation’s last shot at power
     They held no power      They did not know how      Perhaps they’ll hold ...]]>
E-mails from the perimeter of good taste - Will readers never learn not to trade words with me? http://illinoistimes.com/article-2711-e-mails-from-the-perimeter-of-good-taste.html E-mails from the perimeter of good taste - Will readers never learn not to trade words with me?
I write stories? Stuff? Sometimes kind folks read the stories and e-mail me. The e-mail is almost always of this nature: “I enjoyed your story. Interesting. Different. ...]]>
The longest dream - Over the years I edge up and down and sideways. Lose some. And win some. http://illinoistimes.com/article-2636-the-longest-dream.html The longest dream - Over the years I edge up and down and sideways. Lose some. And win some.
Summer 1959. I’ll refine my first-baseman skills here at the semipro level, forget college, and go straight to the major leagues. The old...]]>
Comb-overs and sensible shoes - Advice for would-be writers http://illinoistimes.com/article-2606-comb-overs-and-sensible-shoes.html Comb-overs and sensible shoes - Advice for would-be writers
There’s a small celebrity associated with writing words that find public display; for instance, a few folks have asked me for writing advice. Of course, what they mean ...]]>
Taking the most clandestine route - No one was above suspicion, and that suspicion had to be inclusive http://illinoistimes.com/article-2570-taking-the-most-clandestine-route.html Taking the most clandestine route - No one was above suspicion, and that suspicion had to be inclusive
Secrecy was the first order of the Brotherhood, so brothers Harold and Herbert called it Not The Brotherhood. Hob Fadwaddle, the only other “known” m...]]>
Practice cat and sidekick cat - Every successful relationship requires compromise http://illinoistimes.com/article-2537-practice-cat-and-sidekick-cat.html Practice cat and sidekick cat - Every successful relationship requires compromise
Seven years ago. Cats are OK, as long as one doesn’t humanize them. I believe a cat would make a fine pet if it spent 10 minutes a day doing “frisky ...]]>
A dash illegal - For a cadaver, the best work is a government job http://illinoistimes.com/article-2343-a-dash-illegal.html A dash illegal - For a cadaver, the best work is a government job
Their business was database development: Ulee Bob Waxon handled the people side, Yanks Avatar did all things technical. As Yanks measured it, he worked 80-hour weeks; Ulee di...]]>
State government as business - Here’s an idea: Ditch the Illinois Senate http://illinoistimes.com/article-2410-state-government-as-business.html State government as business - Here’s an idea: Ditch the Illinois Senate
It’s time to take the governor at his word and run state government as a business. As always, a nationwide search has been initiated to produce a blue-ribbon committee ...]]>